September 20, 2010

Seeking Assistance

So my last blog post was a bit depressing sorry about that...if anyone read it. But I decided to make use of my tuition and I visited the counseling center today about my anger. I think it went well. My therapist wanted me to go through my life and experiences and talk about what was going on with me and I've never talked to someone with an unbiased opinion and you know what? It was really nice. I got to unload and say things I needed to say. So I scheduled two more appts. I'm looking forward to them because I feel as though I need this to help me with my heavy load and to distress and focus.
I had my community reporting class...not my favorite and I got back another "D" on an assignment...not happy. these are the worst grades of my college career! I have now idea what to do. The class is tough and it demands a lot of us and I just hope I don't burn out! I want to do better so I'm trying to get the best story I can for my first one. Hopefully I can bounce back...
So as soon as I feel a bit of relief another thing comes up. Dear God please help me because I'm nervous.
I need to get back on daily devotionals and pray that God pulls me through!

September 15, 2010

Ever get the feeling?

I probably shouldn't be writing this for the world to see but with the way I'm feeling I need to get things out before I explode. Since the semester has began I feel more angry and have been very irritable. I'm sure it's due to my hefty plate: school, work, internship, wedding... it's a lot to deal with and I was thinking of doing dance too! SMH! Lately though, after getting feedback from professors and my editor I have been feeling inadequate as a writer. As if I'm not really cut out for this journalism thing. Last year I was great, my articles were good and I got commended by my professors. But after one summer I suck ass...I'm just emotional in general it seems.
I think it boils down to me not being happy with how my life is going right now...things are up in the air and I have no control. I feel as though I'm not being listened to or as if what i say has no meaning to people. Some people can act as if things I ask of them is too much or unimportant to them. I guess...I'm starting to really think it's a "ME" problem. There has to be something wrong with me. I can't imagine that's it's everyone else around me causing me distress but I don't know what the problem is. I took a screening test last nigh online and it said I have symptoms of general anxiety disorder which explains a lot but how do I fix that? How can I fix my brain?
I always thought that the life I had only made me a stronger person but it seems that it made me mentally ill. I have been through so much and no matter how much I say it didn't effect me it must have and I HATE that it did. Maybe that's why I'm so angry, hell if I know.
If anyone reads this, thanks. If anyone comments, thanks.

September 5, 2010

Back to School!

So this past week was our first week of school. It was say the least. I am taking 3 classes this semester and an internship at the Lanthorn (GVSU school paper). I'm excited, overwhelmed, and anxious about the next few months. It will be a lot of planning and praying to make it through since I'm getting married in 5 months too! Busy, busy, busy and somewhere in between I have to have a social life! LOL! Well it is what it is! I asked for it and I'm getting it! But I know I can accomplish all things through God, (yeah, yeah sorry if you don't feel the same but I do!), and good planning. I already had a story due and an assignment for the paper. this week is Labor day so only half week, but still two stories due for the paper, reading assignments, etc. and our parents (moms) are meeting this weekend!

Well here's to my last senior year!