Life Happens

So, hello internet and whoever comes across this blog, I haven't posted here in 2.5 years! A lot has happened since that last blog post. My life has changed drastically. So here's the short version: Dimitris and I had a baby girl, Olivia Renay, on January 30, 2013. We just celebrated her 2nd birthday! She's been the light of our lives and we are so proud to be her parents. I decided to become a stay at home mom and breastfed her until she was 20 months old. (you don't know the battle of breastfeeding until your in it but I was victorious!) Dimitris didn't get that out of town job but did start working for the Postal Service last August. It pays the bills. 

What have I been doing? Well being a mother and wife. I've tried to add income where I could; making loc jewelry, crocheting, photography. Nothing really is panning out. I did get the chance to do a seasonal job as a school photographer this past fall and it was great. All I had to do was go take pictures...not sell them. It was fantastic. I met some cool people too!

I've also gotten back into writing poetry. A friend started a monthly open mic night and wrangled me in. But the odd thing is...poems just started flowing and it's awesome to get back into it. I didn't realized I missed it until it was gone!

So from now on I will be sharing more experiences
and more writing and more everything. I'm still trying to find my place so bear with me...

For me to be a "writer" I sure do suck at this writing thing. Since my last post a lot of things have happened. The convention went very well and we had a great time and Dimitris got a lot of good exposure. We are in fact pregnant (conceived around Mother's Day) and expecting our first born January 28, 2013. We're happy about it but in the back of my mind I sometimes catch the fear of "what the heck are we doing?" lingering but I have to remind myself that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. Right now we are not where we wanted to be financially and I'm not too happy about it but God will make a way out of no way.

Dimitris did apply for a job out of state so it will be a blessing if he gets it but also a major change for us and our families. Recently I've been really frustrated with how things are going and I believe it's connected to our time spent in church which has been basically none, between Dimitriis working, me working or serving in the church or going out of town I don't think we've sat and attended service for over a month and we are feeling it...things aren't in place as they should because we aren't giving the right time to God as we should. I've stop doing my devotionals, reading His word and in turn let the devil slip in and do his work...so I need to get back on track with that and hopefully things will change for the better...

As for my project it's changed into a simpler idea but when you're on other people's time it put's you in a bind so I'm at the point of deciding if I should still be doing a project of if I should cancel it and hold off for a year or two. It sucks but the reality is it's nearing the end of July and I've been doing this project since March/April and the project should be done by September 1st (ideally since the show starts September 19). People I thought were "friends" and willing to give me just 5 minutes of their time are letting me down drastically and it hurts, annoys and frustrates me to no end. I'm left with a decision that I didn't think I would have to make because people always sound so supportive of me but when it comes to actually showing it I get nothing...makes you reevaluate the relationships in your life.

Work is increasing becoming a struggle which is a whole other battle I'm dealing with because I have to work two jobs to get enough money to help pay bills or do anything else...just tired of everything right now and how they're going.

Year of change and GREAT opportunities!

So I haven't blogged in a while but there has been some exciting things going on! First I have a new job at Pier 1 Imports, part-time but it's great! Also, my hubby and I are going to Chicago this weekend for C2E2! He has gotten the opportunity to share a table with someone and showcase some work at his first convention! So proud of him! I also got my locs this past Saturday (April 7, 2012)! I'm very excited about this next step in my natural hair journey! I've gotten nothing but compliments and encouraging words from my family and friends. I'm also working hard on my project for ArtPrize I just have to get in contact with a few more places. (I've been getting the run around but I will get it done!) I'm just really happy right now. We weren't pregnant this last cycle so we went the trying but not trying route this time and we'll see how it plays out. I just try not to stress because it will happen in God's time! Anywho just wanted to update this blog of mine and just keep whoever checks this out in the loop.

Life Changes

So this year is becoming one of GREAT OPPORTUNITIES!
 My husband is doing more comic work which he loves and I'm starting my Artprize project! I'm so excited! God is showing me some high favor for sure. I am learning a lot about other religions and about myself. I'm learning more about why I'm doing this project too. This is about inter-faith respect. Why can't we respect and love one another when it's a basic fundamental part of all religion? That's what I want to show, commonality among religions. I'm letting God guide me and show me what He wants me to see because this was His idea I'm just a vessel.
I'm also excited to announce that me and the hubby are trying to become parents! I'm overjoyed to start this step in our lives together. I know some may tell us to wait but what I don't get is why? What is it we're missing? We want to share our love with a little version of us. I always hear how much of a blessing a child is but the same people say wait because it changes everything. But isn't that what we want? Life changes that cause us to grow and become new. To experience more. I can't do that if I'm waiting. People who wait for everything end up doing nothing. I'm not just going to say what I want I'm going to do it.

 Faith without action is nothing. I'm ready.

A poem that's a bit serious

I wrote this poem because it was on my heart and mind for a few days and I finally had the courage to write it. I'm nervous to put it on here but I didn't write it to hide it. Now it is a bit powerful and it is on a touchy subject but I think it was something I needed to write. Also this is based on an experience in my life, for those who don't know I was taken advantage of as a child and in the end nothing was done and in 2010 I finally let it go and forgave my abuser.

Untitled

By Lyanna R. Moore

Sweet innocence,

unaware of the dangers,

that laid wait in her home.

A familiar face,

one that should have gave love,

protection from all that is wrong.

Not the offender,

causing nights of  “false dreams”

wondering “Why me?”

Not yet a teen,

no longer a child,

stuck in between.

Nowhere to run,

darkness your cover,

cocaine your pusher,

my innocence stolen,

made to suffer,

I knew it wasn’t forever,

I knew womanhood was around the corner,

but that wasn’t your place,

no that belonged with my mother.

Not me.

Silent tears to her ignorance,

Wishing she could read my thoughts,

hear my quiet screams that rage inside me.

Scared beyond belief,

no retreat,

my heart skips a beat,

hearing your footsteps approaching me.

It sickens me.

My hands in a place foreign to me,

shoved into my existence,

My body plays possum,

waiting for it to end,

thinking of how to escape,

run away,

 be free,

but I think of those two small faces,

babies blind to what their father has done.

They need me,

my protection,

my strength.

I survived,

for them,

for me.

New Year, new me

I'm ready for change. I have a few goals set that I want to commit to not only this year but every year forward.

1. I want to focus on my marriage.
2. I want to focus on God and my studies in Layman's Bible School.
3. I want to be more confident in my work (both writing and photography).
4. I want to work in a place that appreciates my hardwork and doesn't take advantage of me.
5. I want to spend more time enjoying life and the people that make me the happiest.

For this year and moving forward I'm challenging myself to not be negative but have an open mind with open understanding and love. It takes too much to be angry or resentful to others. I rather make the most of my time being there for others and being a blessing.

Ideas

Lately I've been thinking a lot about my job and the experiences I've had and I'm thinking about writing a book about it. There are a lot of people that have had experiences in retail and customer service that are truly memorable or things that employees want to say but can't. I think it can be a good read and hopefully I get people to help out which shouldn't be a problem.

Wake me up when September Ends

Busy. That's the word that describes my life at the moment. I feel like my summer was overrun and filled with stuff I didn't want to do. Work has begun to swallow my life because I can't say "No" without feeling guilty. There's a whopping staff of 3 and the past week and a half my assistant manager has been out on a bruised toe injury that she did at work (which could have been prevented VERY easily). So I had to pick up her hours while we borrowed a few girls from another store plus work in my new position as the MSR (Maternity Sales Representative) at our leased location in Macy's. My husband had last week off and I barely saw him! Then this week my boss went on vacation which in my opinion wasn't the best move with an injured employee and one part-timer. So our store is left to the borrowed help who only give 50% because it's not their store. I'll be glad when things go back to normal and I'm not so stressful.
I'm also making a big step and becoming a Big Sister for the organization Big Brothers Big Sisters. I feel that will help with this calling to help children. It's something that has always been in my heart to do. Since I was 12 I knew I wanted to adopt a child when I was older and I even thought about going into social work but decided to go a more creative route. I just know that I can made a difference in a child's life and this is a great stepping stone for me. I had my interview last Thursday and was told in a couple weeks I will be able to choose my Little. I'm really excited about that and I look forward to this new experience.
I also decided to enroll in Layman's Bible School at my church. That starts next Monday and it's the next step in growing my relationship with God. Many people that I've told about it are asking me if I wan to become a minster and honestly I have no idea! Haha! Maybe this means that I may one day be a youth minster. I can only start the journey and let my path unfold before me only God knows what may come next and I'm just along for the ride.

New Directions

So I have been doing a lot of prayer and spending time with God. I'm really trying to see what I should be doing with my life. It has been on my heart to work with children so I've decided to be a Big Sister and be a voluenteer and get my foot in the door to do what's in my heart to do. I'm looking forward to it. I'm trying to take the right steps and hopefully they will lead to bigger changes in my life that I hope will be for the better.

A poem I wrote at work

I wrote this while I was at my retail job at the mall. I had no customers for 3 hours and I had a realization about my summer...that I hadn't had a lot of chances to enjoy it with my husband or friends and it got me to thinking about my summers as a teenager where they were truly care-free. So this is what I came up with.

Summer Young

I remember a time,

when summers were for adventures,

imagination and best friends,

ice cream and fast food,

bike rides and barbeques.

When the beach and amusement parks were a must do,

and nothing was better than having fun and enjoying youth.

Now summer is just another season,

working and cleaning,

bills and money,

late nights and sleepy eyes.

Memories of summer young,

when fun was an necessity,

instead of out of reach.

Being older is overrated.

Doing something “just to get by”

sucking away creativity and life,

until the day you can break free and truly be happy.

Dreamer

I wrote this the other night after a stressful day at work.

Dreamer
Don't let that dream go,
Don't let misery and despair overflow,
You have to let it show,
That you're more than they will ever know,
Let your dreams grow,
Because one day you will reap what you've sown,
All that you've done,
Your dreams will be known

L. Moore 2011

It was somewhat a motivational thing for me because I know that I am destined to do more than what I'm doing right now. I have dreams that can and will be reality for me one day. I just had to be diligent and work hard to get there.

A Poem for My Sister

This poem is dedicated to my baby sister Lorean. She's going through a rough time yesterday and it was on my heart to write this for her.

My sister and I

Baby Bear

I may not be a mother but I am your mother,
You may not have come from my womb but from as far back as I can remember I helped take care of you,
The diapers, feedings, keeping you safe,
I feel as if you’re mine,
I’m protective because I know,
I’ve been there,
done it,
I understand how you feel even if you don’t,
I know where the roads go,
So as a momma bear with her cubs I try to steer,
Help you make the right choices and bypass my mistakes,
I’m here for you,
always,
Never be in fear that you are alone,
That no one loves you or cares,
Because I will always be there,
To hear your pain, love, joy, hate,
I will be there when you fall to help you back up,
I love you baby bear,
my sister.

Frustration...

Ok so I know my post have been real downers (for anyone who reads this stuff) but I'm not having a great day...AGAIN! I'm starting to think that there's is a plan for me and I need to figure that out. i know I'm not meant to work in retail for the rest of my life. Why would I not try to put my degrees to good use after all the debt I've occurred from them. But I have on problem that I'm sure many recent graduates are finding also...everyone wants someone with EXPERIENCE! How can I gain any experience if all the jobs available want experience. It's a never ending circle that just leaves me confused and frustrated. Sure my job gets my bills paid and food in my fridge (barely) but how in the world do they expect people to get anywhere when we are running in circles and forced to live paycheck to paycheck. It just frustrating. Then I have this part-time job that is riding me about numbers when I can only try so much before I hit a wall. It's making me very stressed out. All I want is to do what I love and be happy doing it but there's no opportunity for me to do that. I just wish I had the right answers and knew what to do...

Ever wonder...is this it?

Today i woke up and I didn't feel right. I just wasn't in the mood for anything today...then I got an Unknown phone call from a bill collector and it made my day 10 times worse. I got accused of lying, making excuses, etc when I never got a statement from the start and they refused to send another so end result was me pissed and them with a set payment date..bill collectors 1 me 0. It just got me really upset and I broke down in tears because I was so frustrated and upset. I don't like things to go to collections and I've been working my butt off to get my debt under control but as the saying goes one step forward and two steps back. It really got me thinking about my life and the mistakes that I've made, especially the big ones and I wished there was a reset button so I could start over and begin anew knowing what I know now. But unfortunately I can't and I have to live with my poor choices.
Going to work was the last hing I wanted to do but I did it but it was tough but I made it through. While working a thought occurred to me...I've let my spirit get weak and the Devil got in and stole my joy. I'm not enjoying my life or the people in it as I should. When I'm not working I'm not  doing anything which sucks when I think about it. I need to work on my relationship with God and do things that make me happy so that I can enjoy life which can end at anytime. I just don't know where to start...who should I talk to? What should I do? How can I stick to it?

These are some things I have to meditate on and work out.

I just hope there will be more to my life than this. Working, sleeping, working and doing it all unhappily. I just think I should be doing more.

Crying

Tears on the brink,
Waiting to trickle down the warm, round cheek,
Closed eyes,
Flooded with salty liquid,
Fighting rumbling sounds,
Trying to escape sealed lips,
That quiver and temble,
Muscles contract and release as waves of emotion beat tiny white leveys,
Lungs scream for air,
Then there's a sweet release,
that gives way to a shreik,
A scream,
A release of pain,
Of stress,
Of heartache,
And the tears fall,
Covering the warm flesh,
They keep coming,
Until there's none,
And then...
There's peace.
Deep breaths of peace.

Busy, busy bee

Us and our wedding party :)

So I haven't blogged in a while but I need to get myself caught up! Well I have been married for almost two months now and well, I haven't had time to enjoy it! We've both been busy with work and school. Not to mention my internship but all is well we enjoy the time we do get together which is nice. I love my husband! The wedding went good but it wasn't without fault. The night before the wedding there were 4 cars broken into, 3 belonging to my wedding party and a guest but THANK GOD nothing was stolen which would have been an issue because we had packed the cars for the big day. So we were all up at 4 AM! The wedding went by so FAST and i was blessed that I not one photographer but TWO! and they did a short video for me! We still have to get the CD back with all of our images but I'm very happy with how they turned out. We still haven't had or planned a honeymoon but it will happen eventually...maybe for our one year anniversary. Anyway enough wedding!
              The semester is dragging along and I can't wait to be DONE! This semester is truly making me regret going back to school for another degree but everyone thinks it's makes me so much more marketable but we shall see. I have four classes and I'm only mildly enjoying one and that's advanced editing otherwise I'm not able to keep up with the rest. My brain and scheduling isn't mixing well right now and it's causing me unwanted or needed stress. My photo class is making me feel very inadequate to say the least and my Investigative journalism class (or computer assisted reporting) is a major pain in my @$$. I wish I could have nixed it but I couldn't if I wanted to graduate. I've spent the last two weekends doing nothing but homework which sucks because I already work on weekends. But I only have about 4 weeks left anyway so it's fine...I will deal and make it work.
              On the up-side I got a second job for the summer at motherhood which is a maternity clothing store. I really clicked with the store manager during the interview and very excited about working there. Also we're MOVING! We found a great, spacious two bedroom apartment that's right behind the mall I work in! So we are super excited! We got April month rent for free so we can start moving once the lease is signed next week! Yay!

So there's an update of my life as of now and I hope to be blogging more regularly after school is done...until next time!

Another day, another dollar...

So my break wasn't really a break. I worked for a week straight after our 4 1/2 day mini vacation to Flint and Detroit. I had my bridal shower last weekend and it could have had a better turn out but hey it is what it is. with the wedding only 30 days away I'm getting a lot of questions about if everything is ready...I WISH! We still need to get all of our RSVP's our hotel reservations done, set up the rehersal dinner and get table linens and photography paid for. I wish I had everything done and all I had to do was just show up and work on my last semester of classes.
Oh yeah this is my LAST semester! EVER! I have my internship at Revue magazine which has been going well, full-time classes and still working at Vanity...and lets not forget I'm getting married! So my plate is pretty full right now. But  honestly I'm ready for this wedding to be over so that I can focus on my business and school and help out more financially here at home. Yeah my fiance doesn't mind but I do so there needs to be a change. I never want too plan a wedding on my own again! I see plenty of brides that turn to wedding planning after their wedding but not me! UGH! I'm counting down to our 5 year anniversary so we can renew our vows on a beach in Jamaica! :P
Enough about weddings....blah! I'm almost done with my Journalism degree...YAY! I hope that this will increase my chances of obtaining a job when all is said in done. But really it's up to God what comes my way and what I listen to when He tells me what to do. I'm making 2011 a new year for me all over and I'm changing a lot: no more drinking (if I can help it!), eating more at home (and healthier!), trying to be more fit and not letting things stress me out or stop me from doing what I want. There are a lot of things I leave unsaid and I want to change that because right now I'm not feeling the satisfaction that I should be and that's not a good feeling. But I can't change the past only the future and that's exactly what I intend to do!

I wrote a poem about marriage and weddings...it's kinda long so I may put it in another post tomorrow. It's been a LONG day and I have another one tomorrow so I should be heading to bed. I just noticed I hadn't blogged in a while and I think it may be more important for me to do so this semester because I don't know when I will have time to go to counseling!

Until next time...

New Year Resolutions

Hello! Yes it is that time again for new years resolutions! I try to do them every year and I like to look back and see how much of it I actually accomplished. 2010 has been a very good year and has been way better than 2009. I have grown a lot and I only have room for improvement so that's always my ultimate goal...growth.

Goals for 2011

~Be healthier. (Eating better, going to bed earlier, exercising at least 2 times a week, etc.)
~Get our finances in order. (Back on the Dave Ramsey train!)
~Work on my relationship with God and improving my life as a Christian woman.
~Be a better friend, daughter, and sister.
~Write more.
~Take more photos.
~Find a job in my field of choice.
~Make our first year of marriage memorable, wonderful and special...so that the next 70 only get better!

I hope that in 12 months I can accomplish at least half of this list! I will refer to if often and not let this year be wasted because you never know when your last moment will be.

Fall Semester 2010

So yeah I haven't posted in quite some time. I had a VERY busy semester! I had three Journalism classes, an internship with the GV Lanthorn plus work and wedding planning. SO I had no time to blog for fun except for my wedding blog. I had a blog that I had to do for class three times a week called Entertainment For You. So if you have time and are bored check it out...http://lrh-entertainmentforyou.blogspot.com/. I don't know if I will be keeping it up though. I plan on doing a  blog for my writing samples but I'll do that after this week which is FINALS! Oh yeah I have two exams and one more article due and that's it. I can honestly say that juggling this semester was hard but I got through it with some counseling, prayer, and my honey. I'll be back to my regularly blogging self agian until January when our next semester starts! Four classes, another internship, wedding and part-time employment...Gotta Love it! Haha! At least next April I will be done with school...for a while anyway. Maybe I'll pay off some loans and go to grad school someday but who knows. Looking forward to 2011 for many reasons but I can only pray that God will continue to bless me. Until next time!

Seeking Assistance

So my last blog post was a bit depressing sorry about that...if anyone read it. But I decided to make use of my tuition and I visited the counseling center today about my anger. I think it went well. My therapist wanted me to go through my life and experiences and talk about what was going on with me and I've never talked to someone with an unbiased opinion and you know what? It was really nice. I got to unload and say things I needed to say. So I scheduled two more appts. I'm looking forward to them because I feel as though I need this to help me with my heavy load and to distress and focus.
I had my community reporting class...not my favorite and I got back another "D" on an assignment...not happy. these are the worst grades of my college career! I have now idea what to do. The class is tough and it demands a lot of us and I just hope I don't burn out! I want to do better so I'm trying to get the best story I can for my first one. Hopefully I can bounce back...
So as soon as I feel a bit of relief another thing comes up. Dear God please help me because I'm nervous.
I need to get back on daily devotionals and pray that God pulls me through!