Frustration...

Ok so I know my post have been real downers (for anyone who reads this stuff) but I'm not having a great day...AGAIN! I'm starting to think that there's is a plan for me and I need to figure that out. i know I'm not meant to work in retail for the rest of my life. Why would I not try to put my degrees to good use after all the debt I've occurred from them. But I have on problem that I'm sure many recent graduates are finding also...everyone wants someone with EXPERIENCE! How can I gain any experience if all the jobs available want experience. It's a never ending circle that just leaves me confused and frustrated. Sure my job gets my bills paid and food in my fridge (barely) but how in the world do they expect people to get anywhere when we are running in circles and forced to live paycheck to paycheck. It just frustrating. Then I have this part-time job that is riding me about numbers when I can only try so much before I hit a wall. It's making me very stressed out. All I want is to do what I love and be happy doing it but there's no opportunity for me to do that. I just wish I had the right answers and knew what to do...

Ever wonder...is this it?

Today i woke up and I didn't feel right. I just wasn't in the mood for anything today...then I got an Unknown phone call from a bill collector and it made my day 10 times worse. I got accused of lying, making excuses, etc when I never got a statement from the start and they refused to send another so end result was me pissed and them with a set payment date..bill collectors 1 me 0. It just got me really upset and I broke down in tears because I was so frustrated and upset. I don't like things to go to collections and I've been working my butt off to get my debt under control but as the saying goes one step forward and two steps back. It really got me thinking about my life and the mistakes that I've made, especially the big ones and I wished there was a reset button so I could start over and begin anew knowing what I know now. But unfortunately I can't and I have to live with my poor choices.
Going to work was the last hing I wanted to do but I did it but it was tough but I made it through. While working a thought occurred to me...I've let my spirit get weak and the Devil got in and stole my joy. I'm not enjoying my life or the people in it as I should. When I'm not working I'm not  doing anything which sucks when I think about it. I need to work on my relationship with God and do things that make me happy so that I can enjoy life which can end at anytime. I just don't know where to start...who should I talk to? What should I do? How can I stick to it?

These are some things I have to meditate on and work out.

I just hope there will be more to my life than this. Working, sleeping, working and doing it all unhappily. I just think I should be doing more.

Ever get the feeling?

I probably shouldn't be writing this for the world to see but with the way I'm feeling I need to get things out before I explode. Since the semester has began I feel more angry and have been very irritable. I'm sure it's due to my hefty plate: school, work, internship, wedding... it's a lot to deal with and I was thinking of doing dance too! SMH! Lately though, after getting feedback from professors and my editor I have been feeling inadequate as a writer. As if I'm not really cut out for this journalism thing. Last year I was great, my articles were good and I got commended by my professors. But after one summer I suck ass...I'm just emotional in general it seems.
I think it boils down to me not being happy with how my life is going right now...things are up in the air and I have no control. I feel as though I'm not being listened to or as if what i say has no meaning to people. Some people can act as if things I ask of them is too much or unimportant to them. I guess...I'm starting to really think it's a "ME" problem. There has to be something wrong with me. I can't imagine that's it's everyone else around me causing me distress but I don't know what the problem is. I took a screening test last nigh online and it said I have symptoms of general anxiety disorder which explains a lot but how do I fix that? How can I fix my brain?
I always thought that the life I had only made me a stronger person but it seems that it made me mentally ill. I have been through so much and no matter how much I say it didn't effect me it must have and I HATE that it did. Maybe that's why I'm so angry, hell if I know.
If anyone reads this, thanks. If anyone comments, thanks.