Another day, another dollar...

So my break wasn't really a break. I worked for a week straight after our 4 1/2 day mini vacation to Flint and Detroit. I had my bridal shower last weekend and it could have had a better turn out but hey it is what it is. with the wedding only 30 days away I'm getting a lot of questions about if everything is ready...I WISH! We still need to get all of our RSVP's our hotel reservations done, set up the rehersal dinner and get table linens and photography paid for. I wish I had everything done and all I had to do was just show up and work on my last semester of classes.
Oh yeah this is my LAST semester! EVER! I have my internship at Revue magazine which has been going well, full-time classes and still working at Vanity...and lets not forget I'm getting married! So my plate is pretty full right now. But  honestly I'm ready for this wedding to be over so that I can focus on my business and school and help out more financially here at home. Yeah my fiance doesn't mind but I do so there needs to be a change. I never want too plan a wedding on my own again! I see plenty of brides that turn to wedding planning after their wedding but not me! UGH! I'm counting down to our 5 year anniversary so we can renew our vows on a beach in Jamaica! :P
Enough about weddings....blah! I'm almost done with my Journalism degree...YAY! I hope that this will increase my chances of obtaining a job when all is said in done. But really it's up to God what comes my way and what I listen to when He tells me what to do. I'm making 2011 a new year for me all over and I'm changing a lot: no more drinking (if I can help it!), eating more at home (and healthier!), trying to be more fit and not letting things stress me out or stop me from doing what I want. There are a lot of things I leave unsaid and I want to change that because right now I'm not feeling the satisfaction that I should be and that's not a good feeling. But I can't change the past only the future and that's exactly what I intend to do!

I wrote a poem about marriage and weddings...it's kinda long so I may put it in another post tomorrow. It's been a LONG day and I have another one tomorrow so I should be heading to bed. I just noticed I hadn't blogged in a while and I think it may be more important for me to do so this semester because I don't know when I will have time to go to counseling!

Until next time...

Friendship

I may have blogged about this topic before but it seems to be one that revolves my life right now.

I'm sure many of us had a moment were we felt alone even though we have so many "friends" but really... most of the time we have "people" who are sometimes in our lives. Let me explain...

I have come to find that we put the label of "friend" on people just because we see them on a regular basis. Not because they came to pick you up from jail, or gave you money without expecting return; nope it's because we talk to them about classes or random trivial things that impact our lives. These are "people" not "friends"
I have come to a realization in my own personal life, I have many "people" that are in my life but only a few friends. Those I consider to be my true friends are more like family to me, they understand me and have been there for me in dark times and still love me, still do for me without question.
I consider myself to be a good friend when given the opportunity. I am there for people when they need me, to listen, aid, for anything but I don't get that from a lot of people. I've gotten forgotten, placed on the back burner, or simply dissed! I have been walked on a lot in my short 23 years and I can't seem to find a way to get up...how is it I'm so giving yet it's not reciprocated? Maybe it's as Jesus was, taken for granted, misused, abused, and left for dead. Only difference is I am human and he's the son of God.
I advise that we be cautious of who you call "friend" take time to review what they have done to earn that title.

Empty

Empty,
Emotionless,
A shell, void of anything worth feeling,
As soon as I find joy or happiness it drains from me like an emptying sink,
I can't get a grip on my feelings,
They keep slipping away from me,
Leaving feeling like a zombie,
Wishing I could turn back the hands of time,
Change the past so that I could be what I use to be,
Happy,
Joyful,
Interesting,
Fulfilling,
Exciting,
I want to be lighter,
I'm so heavy now,
My spirit seems broken,
I can figure it out,
I pray,
I cry,
I scream,
I think,
I write,
Nothing has changed,
I don't know how to say this out loud,
Without pain,
Without tears,
Without frustration,
I feel neglected,
I feel unheard,
I feel invisible,
I feel alone,
I don't know why I try,
I know I won't give up, not yet,
But I don't know how much more I can take,
Before I finally break,
I'm tired,
So tired,
and empty...

By: Lyanna Hampton

This poem sums up how the past year and now has left me feeling. I try and try everyday to overcome the negative thoughts that I feel but I don't know.