New Year, new me

I'm ready for change. I have a few goals set that I want to commit to not only this year but every year forward.

1. I want to focus on my marriage.
2. I want to focus on God and my studies in Layman's Bible School.
3. I want to be more confident in my work (both writing and photography).
4. I want to work in a place that appreciates my hardwork and doesn't take advantage of me.
5. I want to spend more time enjoying life and the people that make me the happiest.

For this year and moving forward I'm challenging myself to not be negative but have an open mind with open understanding and love. It takes too much to be angry or resentful to others. I rather make the most of my time being there for others and being a blessing.

New Directions

So I have been doing a lot of prayer and spending time with God. I'm really trying to see what I should be doing with my life. It has been on my heart to work with children so I've decided to be a Big Sister and be a voluenteer and get my foot in the door to do what's in my heart to do. I'm looking forward to it. I'm trying to take the right steps and hopefully they will lead to bigger changes in my life that I hope will be for the better.

Another day, another dollar...

So my break wasn't really a break. I worked for a week straight after our 4 1/2 day mini vacation to Flint and Detroit. I had my bridal shower last weekend and it could have had a better turn out but hey it is what it is. with the wedding only 30 days away I'm getting a lot of questions about if everything is ready...I WISH! We still need to get all of our RSVP's our hotel reservations done, set up the rehersal dinner and get table linens and photography paid for. I wish I had everything done and all I had to do was just show up and work on my last semester of classes.
Oh yeah this is my LAST semester! EVER! I have my internship at Revue magazine which has been going well, full-time classes and still working at Vanity...and lets not forget I'm getting married! So my plate is pretty full right now. But  honestly I'm ready for this wedding to be over so that I can focus on my business and school and help out more financially here at home. Yeah my fiance doesn't mind but I do so there needs to be a change. I never want too plan a wedding on my own again! I see plenty of brides that turn to wedding planning after their wedding but not me! UGH! I'm counting down to our 5 year anniversary so we can renew our vows on a beach in Jamaica! :P
Enough about weddings....blah! I'm almost done with my Journalism degree...YAY! I hope that this will increase my chances of obtaining a job when all is said in done. But really it's up to God what comes my way and what I listen to when He tells me what to do. I'm making 2011 a new year for me all over and I'm changing a lot: no more drinking (if I can help it!), eating more at home (and healthier!), trying to be more fit and not letting things stress me out or stop me from doing what I want. There are a lot of things I leave unsaid and I want to change that because right now I'm not feeling the satisfaction that I should be and that's not a good feeling. But I can't change the past only the future and that's exactly what I intend to do!

I wrote a poem about marriage and weddings...it's kinda long so I may put it in another post tomorrow. It's been a LONG day and I have another one tomorrow so I should be heading to bed. I just noticed I hadn't blogged in a while and I think it may be more important for me to do so this semester because I don't know when I will have time to go to counseling!

Until next time...

Second week in the UK

So this weekend the university is doing maintenance so I'll be without internet so I decided to post now about my second week.

Well so far so good. Although my legs feel as if they're going to fall off! I'm not use to so much walking on top of field trips and buildings with so many stairs!Tuesday my class was canceled so I got to finish my book "The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner" (I got to see Eclipse over the past weekend!)Wednesday I got to go t Oxford and see the famous Oxford University! It's actually compiled of 38 different colleges and they don't have class but personal tutors and the student is left to their studies.
Oxford is also a major part of the Harry Potter film set. The Christ Church college is where they film the great dining hall scenes! They also use one of the libraries for the library at Hogwarts and the same building is used as the nurse's ward in the film.
Oxford also is the birthplace of Alice in Wonderland. :) Lewis Carroll aka Charles Dodgson wrote the story about the dean's daughter and many of the elements of the book are based on her family and the university. Which I thought was really cool.
The bus ride back was horrible. It took 3 hours because of traffic and a girl peed in a bag because "it was an emergency" disgusting!
Today my creative writing class gave me the chance to visit Soho which is full of people and shopping. I got to see a Sally Man exhibit in which I was to inspired to write. It kinda happened. :P
This week was kinda chill for me but I have met some great friends and it will be sad when we have to say goodbye in just two mere weeks. Tomorrow we're going out to this nightclub in Kingston called Ama-gi, they have glow paint and glow sticks and it seems pretty cool. It will probably be one of the last times we get everyone together for a night out!
Until week 3,
Ly

What If?

I find that the question "What if?" comes many times in our lives. "What if I never met this person?" or "What if I chose to do this differently?" I can admit I've had my fair share of "What If's" My life has been a road of poorly thought out decisions and I always wonder "What if?" At 23 I'm making much better ones, I just wish I had a reality check a long time ago. It's tough living with some of the decisions I've made and I can't help but think:
What if I had spoken up? Ran away screaming?
What if I had waited? Was it really that hard?
What if I didn't go with her that night?
What if I told him no?
What if I stayed?
What if I listened?

I have many things that I regret doing and not doing, things that hurt others and myself. I always say I wish I had a time machine but who knows, it probably would be like the Butterfly Effect with Ashton Kutcher, nothing would be as it should and I would always get the short end of the stick. Life is compiled of so many experiences both good and bad. I've had some terrible ones and I pray to God that there's only good ones ahead.

On my mind

Have you ever wondered how you got to the point you're at? I have. At this point in my life I feel that I hit my height and that's a scary feeling. I'm nervous that what I expect to happen and what will happen are complete opposites. I know as a Christian I'm suppose to believe that through God all things are possible. I do but I can't shake the feeling that I'm missing something great. I guess I feel that things in my life are slowing down and not in a good way. I'm engaged, which is great, but after we moved the date back I've been feeling a bit down, maybe even lifeless about everything. One of my best friends says I feel this way because I had my hopes crushed and don't want to get hurt again, she may be right. It meant a lot to me and I guess I'm disappointed. It was a wedding buzz killer. Then i feel like I don't hang out with anyone anymore and all I do is sit on my computer and browse wedding sites or facebook. People are just too damn unattainable! What am I suppose to do about it? My closest friends live on the East side of the state and I'm on the West. If I try to hang with friends out here they're always too busy. Not to mention I don't have a job! I quit my job for one that was seasonal thinking my experience would save my ass...NOPE! So no money to do anything which sucks because I haven't been jobless in years! I guess it boils down to my self-worth and it not being very high. I'm not use to doing nothing, all this free time, or being sick/injured. I don't like being dependent on others because I couldn't do that when I was younger. I just pray everyday for strength, courage, wisdom, and knowledge so that what I aspire to be can one day be a reality.
Sorry for the depressing post but I just needed to talk.

Thanks for reading (or not),
~Ly