Ever wonder...is this it?

Today i woke up and I didn't feel right. I just wasn't in the mood for anything today...then I got an Unknown phone call from a bill collector and it made my day 10 times worse. I got accused of lying, making excuses, etc when I never got a statement from the start and they refused to send another so end result was me pissed and them with a set payment date..bill collectors 1 me 0. It just got me really upset and I broke down in tears because I was so frustrated and upset. I don't like things to go to collections and I've been working my butt off to get my debt under control but as the saying goes one step forward and two steps back. It really got me thinking about my life and the mistakes that I've made, especially the big ones and I wished there was a reset button so I could start over and begin anew knowing what I know now. But unfortunately I can't and I have to live with my poor choices.
Going to work was the last hing I wanted to do but I did it but it was tough but I made it through. While working a thought occurred to me...I've let my spirit get weak and the Devil got in and stole my joy. I'm not enjoying my life or the people in it as I should. When I'm not working I'm not  doing anything which sucks when I think about it. I need to work on my relationship with God and do things that make me happy so that I can enjoy life which can end at anytime. I just don't know where to start...who should I talk to? What should I do? How can I stick to it?

These are some things I have to meditate on and work out.

I just hope there will be more to my life than this. Working, sleeping, working and doing it all unhappily. I just think I should be doing more.

On my mind

Have you ever wondered how you got to the point you're at? I have. At this point in my life I feel that I hit my height and that's a scary feeling. I'm nervous that what I expect to happen and what will happen are complete opposites. I know as a Christian I'm suppose to believe that through God all things are possible. I do but I can't shake the feeling that I'm missing something great. I guess I feel that things in my life are slowing down and not in a good way. I'm engaged, which is great, but after we moved the date back I've been feeling a bit down, maybe even lifeless about everything. One of my best friends says I feel this way because I had my hopes crushed and don't want to get hurt again, she may be right. It meant a lot to me and I guess I'm disappointed. It was a wedding buzz killer. Then i feel like I don't hang out with anyone anymore and all I do is sit on my computer and browse wedding sites or facebook. People are just too damn unattainable! What am I suppose to do about it? My closest friends live on the East side of the state and I'm on the West. If I try to hang with friends out here they're always too busy. Not to mention I don't have a job! I quit my job for one that was seasonal thinking my experience would save my ass...NOPE! So no money to do anything which sucks because I haven't been jobless in years! I guess it boils down to my self-worth and it not being very high. I'm not use to doing nothing, all this free time, or being sick/injured. I don't like being dependent on others because I couldn't do that when I was younger. I just pray everyday for strength, courage, wisdom, and knowledge so that what I aspire to be can one day be a reality.
Sorry for the depressing post but I just needed to talk.

Thanks for reading (or not),
~Ly