Frustration...

Ok so I know my post have been real downers (for anyone who reads this stuff) but I'm not having a great day...AGAIN! I'm starting to think that there's is a plan for me and I need to figure that out. i know I'm not meant to work in retail for the rest of my life. Why would I not try to put my degrees to good use after all the debt I've occurred from them. But I have on problem that I'm sure many recent graduates are finding also...everyone wants someone with EXPERIENCE! How can I gain any experience if all the jobs available want experience. It's a never ending circle that just leaves me confused and frustrated. Sure my job gets my bills paid and food in my fridge (barely) but how in the world do they expect people to get anywhere when we are running in circles and forced to live paycheck to paycheck. It just frustrating. Then I have this part-time job that is riding me about numbers when I can only try so much before I hit a wall. It's making me very stressed out. All I want is to do what I love and be happy doing it but there's no opportunity for me to do that. I just wish I had the right answers and knew what to do...

Ever wonder...is this it?

Today i woke up and I didn't feel right. I just wasn't in the mood for anything today...then I got an Unknown phone call from a bill collector and it made my day 10 times worse. I got accused of lying, making excuses, etc when I never got a statement from the start and they refused to send another so end result was me pissed and them with a set payment date..bill collectors 1 me 0. It just got me really upset and I broke down in tears because I was so frustrated and upset. I don't like things to go to collections and I've been working my butt off to get my debt under control but as the saying goes one step forward and two steps back. It really got me thinking about my life and the mistakes that I've made, especially the big ones and I wished there was a reset button so I could start over and begin anew knowing what I know now. But unfortunately I can't and I have to live with my poor choices.
Going to work was the last hing I wanted to do but I did it but it was tough but I made it through. While working a thought occurred to me...I've let my spirit get weak and the Devil got in and stole my joy. I'm not enjoying my life or the people in it as I should. When I'm not working I'm not  doing anything which sucks when I think about it. I need to work on my relationship with God and do things that make me happy so that I can enjoy life which can end at anytime. I just don't know where to start...who should I talk to? What should I do? How can I stick to it?

These are some things I have to meditate on and work out.

I just hope there will be more to my life than this. Working, sleeping, working and doing it all unhappily. I just think I should be doing more.

Crying

Tears on the brink,
Waiting to trickle down the warm, round cheek,
Closed eyes,
Flooded with salty liquid,
Fighting rumbling sounds,
Trying to escape sealed lips,
That quiver and temble,
Muscles contract and release as waves of emotion beat tiny white leveys,
Lungs scream for air,
Then there's a sweet release,
that gives way to a shreik,
A scream,
A release of pain,
Of stress,
Of heartache,
And the tears fall,
Covering the warm flesh,
They keep coming,
Until there's none,
And then...
There's peace.
Deep breaths of peace.

Busy, busy bee

Us and our wedding party :)

So I haven't blogged in a while but I need to get myself caught up! Well I have been married for almost two months now and well, I haven't had time to enjoy it! We've both been busy with work and school. Not to mention my internship but all is well we enjoy the time we do get together which is nice. I love my husband! The wedding went good but it wasn't without fault. The night before the wedding there were 4 cars broken into, 3 belonging to my wedding party and a guest but THANK GOD nothing was stolen which would have been an issue because we had packed the cars for the big day. So we were all up at 4 AM! The wedding went by so FAST and i was blessed that I not one photographer but TWO! and they did a short video for me! We still have to get the CD back with all of our images but I'm very happy with how they turned out. We still haven't had or planned a honeymoon but it will happen eventually...maybe for our one year anniversary. Anyway enough wedding!
              The semester is dragging along and I can't wait to be DONE! This semester is truly making me regret going back to school for another degree but everyone thinks it's makes me so much more marketable but we shall see. I have four classes and I'm only mildly enjoying one and that's advanced editing otherwise I'm not able to keep up with the rest. My brain and scheduling isn't mixing well right now and it's causing me unwanted or needed stress. My photo class is making me feel very inadequate to say the least and my Investigative journalism class (or computer assisted reporting) is a major pain in my @$$. I wish I could have nixed it but I couldn't if I wanted to graduate. I've spent the last two weekends doing nothing but homework which sucks because I already work on weekends. But I only have about 4 weeks left anyway so it's fine...I will deal and make it work.
              On the up-side I got a second job for the summer at motherhood which is a maternity clothing store. I really clicked with the store manager during the interview and very excited about working there. Also we're MOVING! We found a great, spacious two bedroom apartment that's right behind the mall I work in! So we are super excited! We got April month rent for free so we can start moving once the lease is signed next week! Yay!

So there's an update of my life as of now and I hope to be blogging more regularly after school is done...until next time!

Another day, another dollar...

So my break wasn't really a break. I worked for a week straight after our 4 1/2 day mini vacation to Flint and Detroit. I had my bridal shower last weekend and it could have had a better turn out but hey it is what it is. with the wedding only 30 days away I'm getting a lot of questions about if everything is ready...I WISH! We still need to get all of our RSVP's our hotel reservations done, set up the rehersal dinner and get table linens and photography paid for. I wish I had everything done and all I had to do was just show up and work on my last semester of classes.
Oh yeah this is my LAST semester! EVER! I have my internship at Revue magazine which has been going well, full-time classes and still working at Vanity...and lets not forget I'm getting married! So my plate is pretty full right now. But  honestly I'm ready for this wedding to be over so that I can focus on my business and school and help out more financially here at home. Yeah my fiance doesn't mind but I do so there needs to be a change. I never want too plan a wedding on my own again! I see plenty of brides that turn to wedding planning after their wedding but not me! UGH! I'm counting down to our 5 year anniversary so we can renew our vows on a beach in Jamaica! :P
Enough about weddings....blah! I'm almost done with my Journalism degree...YAY! I hope that this will increase my chances of obtaining a job when all is said in done. But really it's up to God what comes my way and what I listen to when He tells me what to do. I'm making 2011 a new year for me all over and I'm changing a lot: no more drinking (if I can help it!), eating more at home (and healthier!), trying to be more fit and not letting things stress me out or stop me from doing what I want. There are a lot of things I leave unsaid and I want to change that because right now I'm not feeling the satisfaction that I should be and that's not a good feeling. But I can't change the past only the future and that's exactly what I intend to do!

I wrote a poem about marriage and weddings...it's kinda long so I may put it in another post tomorrow. It's been a LONG day and I have another one tomorrow so I should be heading to bed. I just noticed I hadn't blogged in a while and I think it may be more important for me to do so this semester because I don't know when I will have time to go to counseling!

Until next time...

New Year Resolutions

Hello! Yes it is that time again for new years resolutions! I try to do them every year and I like to look back and see how much of it I actually accomplished. 2010 has been a very good year and has been way better than 2009. I have grown a lot and I only have room for improvement so that's always my ultimate goal...growth.

Goals for 2011

~Be healthier. (Eating better, going to bed earlier, exercising at least 2 times a week, etc.)
~Get our finances in order. (Back on the Dave Ramsey train!)
~Work on my relationship with God and improving my life as a Christian woman.
~Be a better friend, daughter, and sister.
~Write more.
~Take more photos.
~Find a job in my field of choice.
~Make our first year of marriage memorable, wonderful and special...so that the next 70 only get better!

I hope that in 12 months I can accomplish at least half of this list! I will refer to if often and not let this year be wasted because you never know when your last moment will be.

Fall Semester 2010

So yeah I haven't posted in quite some time. I had a VERY busy semester! I had three Journalism classes, an internship with the GV Lanthorn plus work and wedding planning. SO I had no time to blog for fun except for my wedding blog. I had a blog that I had to do for class three times a week called Entertainment For You. So if you have time and are bored check it out...http://lrh-entertainmentforyou.blogspot.com/. I don't know if I will be keeping it up though. I plan on doing a  blog for my writing samples but I'll do that after this week which is FINALS! Oh yeah I have two exams and one more article due and that's it. I can honestly say that juggling this semester was hard but I got through it with some counseling, prayer, and my honey. I'll be back to my regularly blogging self agian until January when our next semester starts! Four classes, another internship, wedding and part-time employment...Gotta Love it! Haha! At least next April I will be done with school...for a while anyway. Maybe I'll pay off some loans and go to grad school someday but who knows. Looking forward to 2011 for many reasons but I can only pray that God will continue to bless me. Until next time!