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I felt the need to write, so I won't deny myself the pleasure! I have been a pretty busy DIY bride lately. Sometimes I get bit by the creativity bug and there's no stopping me! I've made boutonnieres, bouquets, a rose-ball, hairpiece, tote bags, and ring pillow. I know our wedding is far (almost a year)but I can't help being excited. I blame part of it on the fact that I'm not working or hanging out with "friends", a word I'm using loosely these days. All this free time is causing me to find other outlets for my energy (not forgetting school work of course). I realized that when I need people they're no where to be found. I'm left hearing about club outings, movies, etc. without a mention of trying to call and invite me. I was upset at first, if we're "friends" why not invite me at the very least? But after I talked to my mom she made me take a step back and really see the bigger picture. God may have given me this time to get ahead in my wedding plans, focus on school, Him, and my fiancee. My mom even said that I was her BFF which was good to hear. I have made it a point to not worry about what I can't control and to live my life with God in it, as well as love and those who truly want to be a part of it. As I said in a recent facebook status, "[I'm]learning that God is the best friend I can have! He's there whenever I need him, I can talk to him when no one else can/will, He's always in my corner no matter what I say or do...who could ask for a better friend? I can't!" This is something I can look to when I'm upset and no one answers their phone or is available to talk or too busy. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying I don't need or want friends but I'm not stressing over what they are/ are not including me in. People will do what they want, with who they want, point blank. I'm more focused on my life and what God has blessed me with, love, time, experience, creativity, and life. I think this is all for now...be blessed and highly favored.

~Ly

On my mind

Have you ever wondered how you got to the point you're at? I have. At this point in my life I feel that I hit my height and that's a scary feeling. I'm nervous that what I expect to happen and what will happen are complete opposites. I know as a Christian I'm suppose to believe that through God all things are possible. I do but I can't shake the feeling that I'm missing something great. I guess I feel that things in my life are slowing down and not in a good way. I'm engaged, which is great, but after we moved the date back I've been feeling a bit down, maybe even lifeless about everything. One of my best friends says I feel this way because I had my hopes crushed and don't want to get hurt again, she may be right. It meant a lot to me and I guess I'm disappointed. It was a wedding buzz killer. Then i feel like I don't hang out with anyone anymore and all I do is sit on my computer and browse wedding sites or facebook. People are just too damn unattainable! What am I suppose to do about it? My closest friends live on the East side of the state and I'm on the West. If I try to hang with friends out here they're always too busy. Not to mention I don't have a job! I quit my job for one that was seasonal thinking my experience would save my ass...NOPE! So no money to do anything which sucks because I haven't been jobless in years! I guess it boils down to my self-worth and it not being very high. I'm not use to doing nothing, all this free time, or being sick/injured. I don't like being dependent on others because I couldn't do that when I was younger. I just pray everyday for strength, courage, wisdom, and knowledge so that what I aspire to be can one day be a reality.
Sorry for the depressing post but I just needed to talk.

Thanks for reading (or not),
~Ly